If you’ve listened to the news recently, or anytime for that matter, you probably wouldn’t have a heard a great deal of good news.

There are plenty of uplifting and great things happening in the world, but unfortunately, it doesn’t grab people’s attention, and the news corporations and media, prefer that you focus on the alternative, which is – “if it bleeds, it leads.”

My daily intake of what’s happening, is through listening to Heart radio in the morning, as I do the little one’s breakfasts, and I haven’t bought a newspaper for probably fifteen years.

I take the view, that if anything important is happening in the world, I’ll hear about it soon enough.

And with Christmas festivities soon approaching, it can be both a joyful and stressful time.

So if you find this time of year to be rather challenging, this email is for you; a bit of light relief.

I received this from a client a while ago. It was so good; I’m sending it again…


Dear Tech Support,

Years ago, I upgraded from Boyfriend to Husband, and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend.

In addition, Husband uninstalled many other valuable programmes such as Romance and Personal Attention, and then installed undesirable programmes such as Rugby, Model Yachting, Sailing and Continuous Planet Rock. Conversation no longer runs, and Housekeeping simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed Desperate.


Dear Desperate,

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend is an Entertainment Package, while Husband is an Operating System. Please enter the command ‘http://I Thought You Loved Me.html’ and try to download Tears. Don’t forget to install the Guilt update.

If that application works as designed, Husband should then automatically run the applications Jewellery and Flowers, but remember – overuse of the above application can cause Husband to default to Grumpy Silence, BOAT or beer.

Beer is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. BOAT is a Malware that can access your bank account if not managed effectively.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband.

In summary, Husband is a great system, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. It also tends to work better running one task at a time. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food and Hot Lingerie.

Good Luck,

Tech Support.

Feeling good? Certainly beats a dosage of news, don’t you think?!